Next time you want to groan try laughing instead..... Elder Wirthlin



How about when your new used car of a month stops completely with no warning? The prognosis: Engine is completely dead. Cost to put in a new engine is way more than we paid for the car in the first place.



I can't say I laughed about this but I made myself laugh at other little things that went wrong the last few days. It did help. I also prayed for help to see the Lord's hand in this.



My silver linings in this trial:



It stopped in a small town that had phone coverage. i.e. I was able to call my husband on the cell phone instead of having to walk who knows how many miles with three kids in tow to a place where I could call.

It stopped before we really got on the way with our trip, but after I was packed and loaded. This made it so the trip was possible because of the packing but before the car had to get left somewhere far from home.

Two years of not having a car has showed us that we can travel with three kids on public transportation. (It may not be easy but it is possible). We used it for half of our trip.

A kind older gentleman stopped and tried to help me.

We were blessed by the kindess of different members who put us up for the night and helped us travel between the stake conference meetings.

I passed my test. A spiritual test. Actually two. Test One: I had been talking with investigators and members to find out if they would make the long trip to stake conference with the accompanying over night stays. Things had happened and where happening that made them feel it was too much effort. I listened but in my heart I thought, it is still worth it. Even with the trials still go. So when the car stopped I was put to the test, would I act as I felt one should? My first reactions were crying and thinking, there is no way. We won't catch the ferry we needed and to many things too hard with out a car for the next three days. Luckily conversing with a wise husband I was reminded that we have been doing it the hard way for a long time and could do it this weekend as well. And I determined to do the best I could. It worked and was a great weekend in many ways.

Test two: We have a three month insurance with buying the car. We aren't sure if it will cover this. I remembered how we had unknowingly let the coolant run way too low a few weeks before. I was worried that we had caused the engine problems. Then the insurance would say no way! But I knew I had to be honest. So we checked with the mechanic next time we talked. I am relieved, he does not believe that had anything to do with it. But I was honest. I would have taken the consequences even though it made me sick to my stomache thinking about it.

We were informed there is a lemon law of sorts and we could probably dump the car back to the owner and get the money back. We don't feel that is correct for this situation. He acted in good faith with no indication that it. We will swallow it and ask the Lord to help us through.

We were blessed to realize the complete goodness of some friends who we are becoming better friends with as they loaned us a car for a few weeks. We had a car for some significant events, but better yet we know we have true good solid friends here!

Leaving our friends car, we took our most recent long extensive traveling trip on public transportation. It is much easier to keep kids happy on a train than in their car seats sitting behind you while you are driving. And I didn't have to drive at all! I would have been the sole drivcr otherwise and I have been getting tension headaches when driving for long periods of time. (I am getting new glasses with sun clips to counter the winter light! So I hope that issue will be eliviated when we get our car back.)

Am I laughing? Maybe not, but I am definantly smiling when I see the downpour of blessings from this trial.

I am a mountain climber!

Have you ever had one of those dreams?

I am trying to get away from something or I am trying run to do something important to me but my legs seem to be weighed down with heavy weights. Each step is given a monumental effort, all my energy goes into it, yet I progress only a baby step if I manage to move at all. I try and try but can't progress fast enough to achieve what I need.

I have. Often. That is I used too. Luckily they haven't come for a long time. I think it is directly related to my emotional health. When I am down and struggling, the dream typifies how I feel about life. To an observer it probably looks like I am just taking those baby steps. But for me, I feel like I am putting in all I have to put into it, and still I am not getting anywhere.

I had those dreams before I ever had a pregnancy, but I think I couldn't move at all back then. When I have been pregnant in the second half of the pregnancy I have a lot of cramping and tension in my lower abdomen. I literally can not go fast. It is agonizing at times for a former long distance runner to slowly walk at a grandfather pace. When I ran I wouldn't let myself stop, if I had to I could slow down, but not stop. As a mother carrying a baby in the womb, I had to stop. There were times that I felt were so urgent that I pushed my self a little faster or wouldn't stop.... The next day I would have an intense amount of cramping and braxton hicks contractions. I would be down for a day or two. Lucky for me, I was never really bed ridden. I was lucky to be able to listen to my body. I was as active as I could.

I think my body's abilities when I am pregnant and the discouragement from that combined to strengthen the depression and increased dreams like that.

During my first pregnancy my sister told me something that has helped. She said when you are pregnant you are climbing mountains ever day. That is a good analogy for me. I love hiking and being active outside. When I couldn't do much as a pregnant person I would remind myself what she said, "your body is building a baby. It takes a lot of energy and work for your body to build that baby. It is like yoi are climbing a mountain every day. Its ok to take it easy in the other things of life for now." I wasn't climbing a mountain but physically my body was working as hard as if I were.

Someone struggling with depression is emotionally trying to climb a mountain. At times the mountain is like Kilimanjaro in Africa. However the depressed individual often has no training and has no guide. They didn't sign up for the trip. Instead of 5-8 hours (if your amoung the fastest) or 5 -7 days on a tour, this mountain climb doesn't seem to have an end and it is missing out on most of the fabulous scenery. Some of us are loving to have a guide who we can trust step in and help us in our ascent. Other assistance can be found in medicine. Faith in the eternal perspective helps us to know it is worth not giving up. But it might still be snail pace and frequent apparent rests. We may slip and lose some of our altitude. But our guides, medicine, and faith can help us to notice some of the amazing scenery along the way.

I love the mountains. I love climbing them. It isn't always easy but it is peaceful to feel God's nature and love all around me. Right now I can say I love live. I don't love all of my mountains and especially not the pits. I would often rather avoid the intensity. But the sunset, or viewing the stars after the climb helps me remember each day and each baby step is worth the effort, whatever I have to give!

-orchid

My Relief Society President

Right now I have an amazing Relief Society president. Every time I talk with her I feel uplifted and I feel hope. She has so much faith and hope and love! The crazy thing is she is an invalid. That sounds awful in English.... but really she has so many different health issues that plague her life. But she is still happy. Another member in the branch said, I think she would be dead if it wasn't for her positive outlook.
Anyway this president told me that she while she doesn't have a lot of energy, (she often can only stay for one hour of church) and she can't go out on visits to the sisters in our spread-out branch, she can think and pray. She says she is able to pray often while she is often home bound and even resting.

In the bible dictionary it says that work is a form of prayer. I have noted and now am reminded that when we can't do anything else we can pray. Who says it has to even be eloquent. "Any Prayer will do". When I am down with depression my prayer may consist of "elp me hang on." Sometimes the prayer is the thought of my heart crying heavenward, "help me." Other times I pour out my sorrows and frustrations or plead for what I feel will help me. I think that is enough. Especially for someone down in depression. People who aren't there and never have been can look on and say, if you would only do this, then you would feel better. The problem is when you are down with the depression you can't usually get yourself to the point where you do this. Even when it is a simple thing. But the greatest thing I have learned is the Lord recognizes even the shortest prayer, "Help me." He hears it and he is there. In hind sight I can see it much better. I know he was there by my side even when I couldn't feel anything.

We hear so much about prayer and how to do it. I have felt so bad that I couldn't get my self to move to say my night prayers. Not sitting and especially not kneeling by my bed. How could the Lord accept such an 'un-humble' or 'lazy' positioned prayer? At some those times I felt so awful and this only compounded my feelings that all I could pray was, "I am sorry," and "Help me," as he gently eased my body into the needed sleep. He knew my heart and he was answering my prayer even as I was swallowed up in my anguish.

To myself most of all: When you can't do anything else, Pray.

my cloud and the silver linings

I want to have a place where I can share my thoughts on depression and the silver linings that I am finding in my clouds of depression. I hope that my little thoughts will help someone else, but at least it will be good for me to be journaling this.

I am at the blessed spot of knowing I struggle with depression but not down in its depths at this moment. This is due to medicine, counseling and my faith. I don't think any one of those three alone would have got me to where I am today. So I consider myself blessed that they did come together for me when they did.

I am a believer. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have a deep faith. It is the driving force in my life. But from my experience I know that for those who have depression it is often not enough to pray, and read my scriptures. However, the atonement and love of my Saviour have played a most vital role in my climb to where I am now.

I don't feel "free" of depression. I will have to be watchful all my life. I currently am taking medicine (SSR). But I have hope and light in my life. I can fill inspiration and the spirit of the Lord.

I want to write more. But I think this is a good start. This will be a place for me to chronicle my clouds and especially the silver linings that have come into my life.
-orchid