Mom died on the 30th of August 10 months after her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.
Last night I dreamed my mom was in her living room and she had just answered the phone to
another entity trying to talk to dad about removing her from the system since she had died. She was upset that people kept calling and thinking she had died. My family didn't know what to do. She had died and they had reported her death and then she came back. Should they tell her she had died? And how could they get her away from the phone? She was determined to be the one to answer so she could know who was calling and why. I was so confused to see her there. After some time I finally asked some of my sisters, "How did she get out of the coffin? We buried her!" They shrugged their shoulders.
This was a crazy dream that left me a bit pensive today. I miss my mom. I want to see her and seeing her having come back and with such energy disturbed me all day, because I really want to see her. (she was more her normal self in looks and was sitting and talking and holding the phone).
I haven't given it much thought besides how I wish I really could see her and not a dream. But now as I reflect I find more meaning and comfort. I have learned that my dreams often have meaning that helps me in life as I study them. They often address things that I won't really deal with in my waking hours. I am able to understand what I am really struggling with emotionally if I seek out the message. Sometimes it is a different person then the person in real life, sometimes my own emotions are expressed by someone else. The entire dream doesn't have to be true to life to have a message that I can learn from.
After mourning mom all day what do I see out of it now? The opposite of what I was feeling all day. She may have died and been burried, but that did not stop mom from being involved in our lives. If anything we are the ones putting the limits on her abilities. She is probably frustrated with that. She won't let go of her connection to us. Just cause we are limited and can't see her.... How did she get out of the coffin and the grave? Well that one is easy I know of God's plan of Salvation. Life doesn't end with the grave. We will see her again and because of Christ's resurrection the resurrection will come to each of us. No coffin or grave can hold us, no matter how many people know of our death, it is but a temporary thing that has no real bearing on eternity!
Mom is involved in my life. Dad just wrote of how he felt her last Tuesday. I had been thinking and wishing I could know that she has come to see my baby, my new house and yard and see what life is like for me here. All things that she didn't get to see. I feel like she will be involved but I wanted to know she had been involved. I mentioned this to Daniel last night. I think my dream was my spirit trying to get me to see that and know that she is involved and keeping her connection to me and my little family as well as all her other children. We don't have to burry her out of our lives. What joy this gives me. In fact she can be here with me half way around the world, much easier than she could have living.
Mom, you can keep the phone; visit us. I wanted to show you the first house we bought, the yard, my baby. Tomorrow as I work and take care of my children I will be thinking of you and what you think of it all.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Telling stories
"There is healing in telling stories.... There is healing in hearing stories."
I just read that in the Forward to Kitchen Table Wisdom. I think it was my first reading of that book and another book that first started me on the idea to start this blogg. I was hopping to help in the healing of others.... but maybe it is my own healing that this is all for.
I wanted to tell a story today.
But maybe that will have to wait, for now as I sit none come ready to be shared. So instead I will share some thoughts I had while reading various sections of the above mentioned book. Rachel talks of finding our own "wholeness" and how each persons "wholeness" is different but suited to the individual. Many have "fixed" themselves trying to fit another's wholeness to themselve. But being "fixed" is never as strong as the original whole. We each need our own wholeness.
So I started wondering about myself. In what ways have I tried to "fix" myself? Have I lost my sense of "wholeness"?
I feel pretty grounded in my faith and my knowledge of my relationship with God as my Heavenly Father. He has a plan for me. My important life decisions are all made from this premise. It is my source of strength and energy as well as my motivation.
I lose my wholeness in the day to day finding peace and happiness. How and why? Is it related to this fixed vs. wholeness? I think so.
I have tried to "fix" myself with images and stories of over-the-top heroines acieving goals sooner, better, and incredible. The heroines I imagined in my novels were the kindest, smartest and most talented. They were true to their faith or convictions while diligently working, excelling in school (finishing early), college, other talents and loving life while successfully overcoming obsticles. They inspired all who they interacted with.
My ideal mother is the one who can balance life, keep her kids and herself happy enjoying the day to day adventures, never losing patience.... and maybe not having a perfect house, but a house where everyone feels comfortable coming.
The ideal friend keeps up correspondence.
The ideal church servant is on top of all callings as well as family and personal spirituality.....
I no longer create novels of these super individuals. I don't have all the time to work out the details (I could work out the stories in my mind for weeks at a time laying in bed, walking somewhere, doing chores...). But they are there with their perfectness calling to me!
And yet at the same time I have feared hard things. As a youth I didn't really want to grow up. Life was already hard. (Mentioning this to my mother in my late teens early twenties, she told me that even as a little girl I would tell her, "I don't want to grow up, its too hard.") I often heard adults advise?!! us struggling teenagers saying, "you think it is hard now... it gets harder." That definitely didn't help me want to grow up. I kept going because I didn't want to stay where I was and I had faith that somehow I should trust God in His plan for me.
I have far more interests than time to pursue and pleanty of guilty feelings for wanting to do what I want than what I feel I should. I am sure I dig my own grave in the juxtaposition of these perfectionist dreams and also my own natural tendancy to relish and focus on the moment, or to actually implement the creation which my mind already induced.
People have always been more important to me and so even if I was trying to go to bed to get the sleep I knew I needed, I would stay up when I sibling came into my room late to talk. Even when I wanted to be the super student I couldn't shut out life to study. The semester I most successfully applied this was the most miserable and depressing! I need connection outside the walls of a building and with people.
I successfully finished college, but was so exhausted from it that I dread deadlines and pressure and have no desire to return to that lifestyle. Before I married, I used to think if I didn't get the chance to marry I would push through for a doctorate and go back and teach at my University. (I love teaching and was passionate about my major.) I soon realized it wasn't just a matter of getting the doctorate required to teach in that department at that University but I also would need to accumulate vast amounts of experience to teach that specialty. I loved teaching the basics as a TA, but found university schedules and rigors overwhelming. How did one have time to do the research and get the experience in the major/field of choice while maintaining grades to have a scholarship and stay in school? Well the research experience slid. Then ill health and struggling efforts to balance life further added to a slide from my sense of performance. I married before my last year thinking I should finish well, but found illness and pregnancy slowing me and lowering what I could expect.
I ended with a degree and a total lack of confidence in my ability to suceed in the profession I had dreamed of. That is ok as long as I don't advertise what I studied and never need it as a career. I am a mom. It is my first priority and first goal. The other was back up and if... but I still feel like a failure. Now as I struggle knowing how to be a good mom, the feelings of not measuring up there seem to haunt me. I have dreams of end of semester deadlined looming the next week and no way of finishing in time. Wondering if I will be able to work something out, how I can delay graduation, how to take a class again etc.
Waking up, instead of the looming semester deadline, it is the never ending dishes, meals, laundry, garbage.... And I find my oldest echoing the desire to not grow up. He has said he doesn't want to marry cause its too hard to keep your kids happy all the time. What am I doing to him?
It all seems overwhelming. My fixed image of the supermom is beyond my capabilities. Where is my wholeness? My thought today was that my wholeness isn't in all these perfect or grand accomplishments. It obviously isn't me. My wholeness is in love. My capacity to love. I shared that thought with my husband. He added faith and commitment to Christ. I can be whole and happy in my love which stems from my love for my older brother Jesus Christ and my faith in God's plan. This love is what rings true when I live life. I love to create things... Most of what I create is given away to others. Now that I have my family it stays more with in my home's walls, but my family is the recipients. When I think of others and doing something for them I think of how I can show them love. When I focus on my love for my family I am happy even with lots of unfinished tasks. When I work with plants and gardening I feel God's love so strongly and feel rejuvination and peace. When I focus on the love of Christ and making it part of me and radiating it to others I find peace and rejuvination even in a hectic Sunday schedule!
I want to return to that wholeness and whatever other wholeness is really me. Let go of the dreams of supermom, super career women, etc. but help others feel the Love that is in me and hopefully help them turn to the pure source of love. Christ.
I just read that in the Forward to Kitchen Table Wisdom. I think it was my first reading of that book and another book that first started me on the idea to start this blogg. I was hopping to help in the healing of others.... but maybe it is my own healing that this is all for.
I wanted to tell a story today.
But maybe that will have to wait, for now as I sit none come ready to be shared. So instead I will share some thoughts I had while reading various sections of the above mentioned book. Rachel talks of finding our own "wholeness" and how each persons "wholeness" is different but suited to the individual. Many have "fixed" themselves trying to fit another's wholeness to themselve. But being "fixed" is never as strong as the original whole. We each need our own wholeness.
So I started wondering about myself. In what ways have I tried to "fix" myself? Have I lost my sense of "wholeness"?
I feel pretty grounded in my faith and my knowledge of my relationship with God as my Heavenly Father. He has a plan for me. My important life decisions are all made from this premise. It is my source of strength and energy as well as my motivation.
I lose my wholeness in the day to day finding peace and happiness. How and why? Is it related to this fixed vs. wholeness? I think so.
I have tried to "fix" myself with images and stories of over-the-top heroines acieving goals sooner, better, and incredible. The heroines I imagined in my novels were the kindest, smartest and most talented. They were true to their faith or convictions while diligently working, excelling in school (finishing early), college, other talents and loving life while successfully overcoming obsticles. They inspired all who they interacted with.
My ideal mother is the one who can balance life, keep her kids and herself happy enjoying the day to day adventures, never losing patience.... and maybe not having a perfect house, but a house where everyone feels comfortable coming.
The ideal friend keeps up correspondence.
The ideal church servant is on top of all callings as well as family and personal spirituality.....
I no longer create novels of these super individuals. I don't have all the time to work out the details (I could work out the stories in my mind for weeks at a time laying in bed, walking somewhere, doing chores...). But they are there with their perfectness calling to me!
And yet at the same time I have feared hard things. As a youth I didn't really want to grow up. Life was already hard. (Mentioning this to my mother in my late teens early twenties, she told me that even as a little girl I would tell her, "I don't want to grow up, its too hard.") I often heard adults advise?!! us struggling teenagers saying, "you think it is hard now... it gets harder." That definitely didn't help me want to grow up. I kept going because I didn't want to stay where I was and I had faith that somehow I should trust God in His plan for me.
I have far more interests than time to pursue and pleanty of guilty feelings for wanting to do what I want than what I feel I should. I am sure I dig my own grave in the juxtaposition of these perfectionist dreams and also my own natural tendancy to relish and focus on the moment, or to actually implement the creation which my mind already induced.
People have always been more important to me and so even if I was trying to go to bed to get the sleep I knew I needed, I would stay up when I sibling came into my room late to talk. Even when I wanted to be the super student I couldn't shut out life to study. The semester I most successfully applied this was the most miserable and depressing! I need connection outside the walls of a building and with people.
I successfully finished college, but was so exhausted from it that I dread deadlines and pressure and have no desire to return to that lifestyle. Before I married, I used to think if I didn't get the chance to marry I would push through for a doctorate and go back and teach at my University. (I love teaching and was passionate about my major.) I soon realized it wasn't just a matter of getting the doctorate required to teach in that department at that University but I also would need to accumulate vast amounts of experience to teach that specialty. I loved teaching the basics as a TA, but found university schedules and rigors overwhelming. How did one have time to do the research and get the experience in the major/field of choice while maintaining grades to have a scholarship and stay in school? Well the research experience slid. Then ill health and struggling efforts to balance life further added to a slide from my sense of performance. I married before my last year thinking I should finish well, but found illness and pregnancy slowing me and lowering what I could expect.
I ended with a degree and a total lack of confidence in my ability to suceed in the profession I had dreamed of. That is ok as long as I don't advertise what I studied and never need it as a career. I am a mom. It is my first priority and first goal. The other was back up and if... but I still feel like a failure. Now as I struggle knowing how to be a good mom, the feelings of not measuring up there seem to haunt me. I have dreams of end of semester deadlined looming the next week and no way of finishing in time. Wondering if I will be able to work something out, how I can delay graduation, how to take a class again etc.
Waking up, instead of the looming semester deadline, it is the never ending dishes, meals, laundry, garbage.... And I find my oldest echoing the desire to not grow up. He has said he doesn't want to marry cause its too hard to keep your kids happy all the time. What am I doing to him?
It all seems overwhelming. My fixed image of the supermom is beyond my capabilities. Where is my wholeness? My thought today was that my wholeness isn't in all these perfect or grand accomplishments. It obviously isn't me. My wholeness is in love. My capacity to love. I shared that thought with my husband. He added faith and commitment to Christ. I can be whole and happy in my love which stems from my love for my older brother Jesus Christ and my faith in God's plan. This love is what rings true when I live life. I love to create things... Most of what I create is given away to others. Now that I have my family it stays more with in my home's walls, but my family is the recipients. When I think of others and doing something for them I think of how I can show them love. When I focus on my love for my family I am happy even with lots of unfinished tasks. When I work with plants and gardening I feel God's love so strongly and feel rejuvination and peace. When I focus on the love of Christ and making it part of me and radiating it to others I find peace and rejuvination even in a hectic Sunday schedule!
I want to return to that wholeness and whatever other wholeness is really me. Let go of the dreams of supermom, super career women, etc. but help others feel the Love that is in me and hopefully help them turn to the pure source of love. Christ.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Infinite-Power-of-Hope
We all need to hold to the hope in something better. And there is reason to hope, and hang in there!
Here is a mormon message youtube that I felt should be added today. President Uctdorf's word's and love convey the hope to beautiful supporting images.
Infinite-Power-of-Hope
Here is a mormon message youtube that I felt should be added today. President Uctdorf's word's and love convey the hope to beautiful supporting images.
Infinite-Power-of-Hope
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
My heartstrings
Today I went to a support group for pancreatic cancer patients and their families. My mom has the cancer. I am visiting her for a months time. I am glad that I went. I realize that I need to have a place where it is ok to share my thoughts. I am strong. But I am only as strong as I am honest with myself.
One can't hold it all in. And even if one trusts God and His will, as I feel I do, one needs releases. I need to let out my thoughts.
I have been really blessed in my month's visit here. My mom has probably been at her best since her back pain sent her in the round of specialist visits that led to her diagnosis. At times, even with the prognosis always coming back squelching the little hopes we have, I have felt, she is going to be around for a few years yet.
Without despairing and without losing faith and hope, I am seeing that this may not be the case. When I go back home next week, it may be the last time I say goodbye to my mom in this life. Her pain is mounting and she is still vacillating between the treatment options before her. It is terminal, no hope for an operation nor remission without a complete miracle. I believe miracles are possible, but I also know God has a master plan that is best even if it isn't exactly what we want. It doesn't seem His will is the miracle this time.
How am I going to feel when I get on the plane next Tuesday? I hope I can cry. I don't think I cry enough these days. When it does come it feels good. But then others don't know what to do about it and it is cut short when it should run freely. It is release to cry. I know I have my mom for eternity. That is peace. But I still grieve. I know angels are often with us. I have been told they are round in blessings many times. I haven't felt them. But I believe the promises.
When I told my mom I was going to come and visit her, she asked me,
"How are you going to feel if you come out here and I die anyway and you have to come back for a funeral?" "Mom," I told her over the phone, "I won't be able to come back for the funeral. I am choosing to come now while you are alive." Then I added, "I hope that is ok with you." In her silence I knew that it was.
I told her that I supported her. There are two wills involved here. Her's and God's. What is His plan for her, and what is she willing to go through. The conventional treatments all have side effects and prospects of not much gained with a lot of suffering really scares her at times. I told her then that I would support her decision. In talking I asked her what she wanted. She said the miracle if she could have it. She was given a blessing which indicated that the Lord would bless her, but chemo was important. So we talked and I said, well with the blessing and your desire for healing it sounds like you need to do the chemo through to the next scan and then pray that the Lord will help you know where to go after you have the results.
She did. But I got here in the month of no chemo. Just after the next scan result was back. The cancer in the pancreas had shrunk. We had all been praying that it would shrink. Our prayers of faith where answered even though medically they were really just trying to keep the cancer from spreading and didn't really hope it would shrink. If it didn't grow they would hit it with chemo and radiation. That is where they expected the shrinking to happen so they could consider an operation. So there was now hope for an operation in that regard. Except... wait the lymph node in her back had grown. That is probably the source of the back pain they now said. Was it pancreatic? or was it another cancer? I wondered, why didn't we know about this so that we could pray for it to shrink to? Our faith could have been applied there. Now crazily enough we prayed for two kinds of cancer. They would treat lymphoma, but then could still operate on the pancreas.
Except, I struggled with this prayer. I knew my mom really didn't want that operation anyways. She was terrified by it. The prospects for those undergoing the operation where pretty grim too. But as long as there was a hope the doctors would follow its lead. I wondered if the Lord would "bless" her to have the operation when she didn't really want it. In addition I was told in a blessing that the Lord had answered my prayers of faith for my mom in the shrinking. Where before my blessing had said to be diligent in my prayers of faith for my mom, now I was told to focus my faith on my family our needs, the baby in my womb and other areas of my life. Was this the Lord telling me she won't get a remission?
She was sent in for a PET scan. I wasn't surprised when the specialist at the Huntsman Cancer Center in Salt Lake City said it isn't worth doing the grueling operation for the lack of hope at life extention. Its a lot of suffering for removing the cancer from one spot when it is already in the lymphs, following the right metastasis patterns from the pancreas. That means it has access to her whole body now. They can't stop that with the operation. Also they now have concern spots with her lung. That to me is the most concerning.
I hate to see my mom in pain. She has more and more of it the last several days. Before I kept hoping I would come back and see her again in this life. That my boys would see her again. My husband. Only my youngest came with me. But watching the climb of pain this last week I know that something has to change, or that won't be. But what? She has never tolerated pain medicine well. Since the doctor's don't have hope for remission they are totally laying it in her hands. She never liked the chemo and was sick from it. Pain medicine makes her feel like her"head is on a platter" separated at arms length from her body. She hates the pain and wants to be free from it, but hates what all the conventional treatments have to offer as side effects. She is vacillating between her options and the pain is mounting.
I have to remind myself what I said. It is her choice and I will support her. I just hate to see her hurting. I wish she would give the pain treatments a longer chance before pulling herself off them. But She chooses that over losing her sense of her mind's hold on the world.
I am blessed that I was here for this good month. I am blessed that my whole family was here last summer for the good memories that where created before her pain started.
Back before I came, I told my mom that if she did die, I would claim her for my angel and my children's angel. It is my comfort. She may never see the first house I own in this mortal life, she may not see this next baby in mortality, nor be there when next we can afford to visit, but.... She will be involved in her family's life. She will know what is going on in our lives and at appropriate times she will be with us. Not just us. My sister still in High School, my brother just heading to college, my dad, the rest of the siblings and their families. She will be with us just as her mom and my dad's mom have been involved with my parents and us since their parting.
I also take comfort in the fact that while I won't be able to afford to come to any of the weddings of my siblings this summer, I think she will be around for them still. It is so close and I think it will mean so much to them that she was there. There are two and possible three this summer. She was just able to go to a sealing for my brother and his wife and daughter. Lucky for me I was there too! But she will be there for a few more. We are a large family. We have a lot of love. This love and our testimonies are our strength. Mom and Dad instilled faith in us. Their faith is strong. Their were married in the temple and we are all sealed together.
I may be a homebody, but I have been able to follow the Lord's beckon to me and my little family to move abroad because of my faith. I know we are an eternal family and no good bye is eternal. This is how I can say goodbye each time I separate from my family after a visit. I will see them again. I will hug them again.
I will see my mom again, I will hug her again. For a few more days I will have physical interaction. Then for an unknown time it will be telephone and internet. Later there may be a veil separating us, but we are still family. She will be our angel. When all our life missions are over we will have a joyous reunion our entire family circle. Mortal and immortal, God gave us to each other. Our family is eternal. In Swedish, common parting words are "Vi ses" literally meaning "we will see each other." There are no real goodbyes.
I thank the Lord for His marvelous blessings to me.
Vi ses
One can't hold it all in. And even if one trusts God and His will, as I feel I do, one needs releases. I need to let out my thoughts.
I have been really blessed in my month's visit here. My mom has probably been at her best since her back pain sent her in the round of specialist visits that led to her diagnosis. At times, even with the prognosis always coming back squelching the little hopes we have, I have felt, she is going to be around for a few years yet.
Without despairing and without losing faith and hope, I am seeing that this may not be the case. When I go back home next week, it may be the last time I say goodbye to my mom in this life. Her pain is mounting and she is still vacillating between the treatment options before her. It is terminal, no hope for an operation nor remission without a complete miracle. I believe miracles are possible, but I also know God has a master plan that is best even if it isn't exactly what we want. It doesn't seem His will is the miracle this time.
How am I going to feel when I get on the plane next Tuesday? I hope I can cry. I don't think I cry enough these days. When it does come it feels good. But then others don't know what to do about it and it is cut short when it should run freely. It is release to cry. I know I have my mom for eternity. That is peace. But I still grieve. I know angels are often with us. I have been told they are round in blessings many times. I haven't felt them. But I believe the promises.
When I told my mom I was going to come and visit her, she asked me,
"How are you going to feel if you come out here and I die anyway and you have to come back for a funeral?" "Mom," I told her over the phone, "I won't be able to come back for the funeral. I am choosing to come now while you are alive." Then I added, "I hope that is ok with you." In her silence I knew that it was.
I told her that I supported her. There are two wills involved here. Her's and God's. What is His plan for her, and what is she willing to go through. The conventional treatments all have side effects and prospects of not much gained with a lot of suffering really scares her at times. I told her then that I would support her decision. In talking I asked her what she wanted. She said the miracle if she could have it. She was given a blessing which indicated that the Lord would bless her, but chemo was important. So we talked and I said, well with the blessing and your desire for healing it sounds like you need to do the chemo through to the next scan and then pray that the Lord will help you know where to go after you have the results.
She did. But I got here in the month of no chemo. Just after the next scan result was back. The cancer in the pancreas had shrunk. We had all been praying that it would shrink. Our prayers of faith where answered even though medically they were really just trying to keep the cancer from spreading and didn't really hope it would shrink. If it didn't grow they would hit it with chemo and radiation. That is where they expected the shrinking to happen so they could consider an operation. So there was now hope for an operation in that regard. Except... wait the lymph node in her back had grown. That is probably the source of the back pain they now said. Was it pancreatic? or was it another cancer? I wondered, why didn't we know about this so that we could pray for it to shrink to? Our faith could have been applied there. Now crazily enough we prayed for two kinds of cancer. They would treat lymphoma, but then could still operate on the pancreas.
Except, I struggled with this prayer. I knew my mom really didn't want that operation anyways. She was terrified by it. The prospects for those undergoing the operation where pretty grim too. But as long as there was a hope the doctors would follow its lead. I wondered if the Lord would "bless" her to have the operation when she didn't really want it. In addition I was told in a blessing that the Lord had answered my prayers of faith for my mom in the shrinking. Where before my blessing had said to be diligent in my prayers of faith for my mom, now I was told to focus my faith on my family our needs, the baby in my womb and other areas of my life. Was this the Lord telling me she won't get a remission?
She was sent in for a PET scan. I wasn't surprised when the specialist at the Huntsman Cancer Center in Salt Lake City said it isn't worth doing the grueling operation for the lack of hope at life extention. Its a lot of suffering for removing the cancer from one spot when it is already in the lymphs, following the right metastasis patterns from the pancreas. That means it has access to her whole body now. They can't stop that with the operation. Also they now have concern spots with her lung. That to me is the most concerning.
I hate to see my mom in pain. She has more and more of it the last several days. Before I kept hoping I would come back and see her again in this life. That my boys would see her again. My husband. Only my youngest came with me. But watching the climb of pain this last week I know that something has to change, or that won't be. But what? She has never tolerated pain medicine well. Since the doctor's don't have hope for remission they are totally laying it in her hands. She never liked the chemo and was sick from it. Pain medicine makes her feel like her"head is on a platter" separated at arms length from her body. She hates the pain and wants to be free from it, but hates what all the conventional treatments have to offer as side effects. She is vacillating between her options and the pain is mounting.
I have to remind myself what I said. It is her choice and I will support her. I just hate to see her hurting. I wish she would give the pain treatments a longer chance before pulling herself off them. But She chooses that over losing her sense of her mind's hold on the world.
I am blessed that I was here for this good month. I am blessed that my whole family was here last summer for the good memories that where created before her pain started.
Back before I came, I told my mom that if she did die, I would claim her for my angel and my children's angel. It is my comfort. She may never see the first house I own in this mortal life, she may not see this next baby in mortality, nor be there when next we can afford to visit, but.... She will be involved in her family's life. She will know what is going on in our lives and at appropriate times she will be with us. Not just us. My sister still in High School, my brother just heading to college, my dad, the rest of the siblings and their families. She will be with us just as her mom and my dad's mom have been involved with my parents and us since their parting.
I also take comfort in the fact that while I won't be able to afford to come to any of the weddings of my siblings this summer, I think she will be around for them still. It is so close and I think it will mean so much to them that she was there. There are two and possible three this summer. She was just able to go to a sealing for my brother and his wife and daughter. Lucky for me I was there too! But she will be there for a few more. We are a large family. We have a lot of love. This love and our testimonies are our strength. Mom and Dad instilled faith in us. Their faith is strong. Their were married in the temple and we are all sealed together.
I may be a homebody, but I have been able to follow the Lord's beckon to me and my little family to move abroad because of my faith. I know we are an eternal family and no good bye is eternal. This is how I can say goodbye each time I separate from my family after a visit. I will see them again. I will hug them again.
I will see my mom again, I will hug her again. For a few more days I will have physical interaction. Then for an unknown time it will be telephone and internet. Later there may be a veil separating us, but we are still family. She will be our angel. When all our life missions are over we will have a joyous reunion our entire family circle. Mortal and immortal, God gave us to each other. Our family is eternal. In Swedish, common parting words are "Vi ses" literally meaning "we will see each other." There are no real goodbyes.
I thank the Lord for His marvelous blessings to me.
Vi ses
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