It has been an interesting while for me. I started counseling again. I had felt the need for it for a while and struggled more with depression during this last pregnancy and after than the previous one. While I had talked of my struggles to the midwife and even cried in her office for more than a half hour once during the pregnancy, she wasn't very supportive at my six week followup when I brought it up again. She seemed to feel that as I regained strength now this would improve on its own. Maybe so.

So me not liking to broach it with doctors or anything, actually did nothing.
Then it was my babies 3 month check up. The nurse for him gave me a questionaire... the typical one that I hate answering the questions for. Yeah, I was on the side of things that she could say if you want to meet with a therapist, we can arrange it.

So I have put off meeting with a therapist in the Swedish medical system for several reasons.

I haven't trusted that they won't judge me for my faith and try to get me to change my faith decisions. Most swedes declare themselves atheist.

Also I don't really know how to work it into the schedule. How do I get a time that works with the therapist and Daniel's work schedule on a regular basis?

Money... even co-pays greatly affect the budget and I figured there would be one and once a week even once a month is more than I could pay.

It is emotionally exhausting and I am not sure I will like my extra level of tiredness or cry headaches afterward.

I don't want to need it.

I have occasionally met and talked with a therapist in the church under the church framework and that has been good. She says I can call her anytime. but telephone therapy doesn't work for me. So I don't.

In September under a homeopaths direction I started taking some mineral supplements and also took a cleansing yeast infection pill for three months. I still take the supplements. According to my homeopath, it will take time but gradually I should gain more energy and have less migraines and restless legs and even eventually have a better time dealing with depression to the extent I may be able to come off the medicine. But she said it was a low dose I was on an probably a little too low for my current needs. (I did not get it increased mainly because I didn't want to have to go in and talk with a doctor about it. And what if I weren't taken seriously? I don't have any relationship with any doctor here so the unknown is a hinderance.)

Anyway so I have been struggling more. But due to all this and pondering many times over the last year if my medicine was high enough and if there was something else I could do and not ever doing anything I told the nurse to contact the therapist for me, because I probably wouldn't do it.

Now I have met with her twice and I think it is good thing to be doing. I have the foundation that I was given in England under the therapy with Lawrence Vingoe and this is also CBT therapy. She seems to be respectful of my religious belief. So that is good. And it is good for me to be able to talk through things and be given outside support to accurate self judgement.

And a nice surprise is that coming through the Mother/child healthcare system I don't have any copays. What a relief. Also it is in our little town where we meet so part of the schedule coordinating stress is avoided. Yes it can be emotionally exhausting but it has also been rejuvinating.

My aching bones have been bothering me last night and today. And I was just down for two days with a migraine. The last two day one was two weeks ago, but I have had evening migraines a couple of times and luckily was smart enough and able to put breaks on everything and go to bed and was better in the morning. This time I woke up with the migraine.

But today is a new day. I can actually sit at the computer (albeit Adam is requiring me to hold him while I type and that puts strain on my aching hand arm bones and my migraine tension muscles. so I shouldn't do this much longer.)

Today is Family Love Day (ie Valentine's Day with the focus on the whole families love). The plan is the Love throne wearing our crown and sharing what we love about each other, smoothies, and painting our family missionstatement key words.

I had hoped to make a small Valentine gift for each member, but that was before I was down for 2 days. So we will see. I mean, dishes are backed up and I still have to prepare meals. So I need to not expect too much of myself. The most important thing for me today is holding the Family Love Day tradition. So with that in mind I am going to make sure I know where the crown is. (I saw it two days ago so I hope it hasn't disapeared into the black hole again.)